Britain's got morons

The Telegraph has listed 20 ridiculous complaints made by British holidaymakers. Having read through them, I have to say I was expecting this from the Yanks, but the Brits? I know I have British readers, so help me out here, people. Are they all from Essex or what?

"The beach was too sandy."

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

I must admit though, I went on a Mediterranean cruise once with TCO's official girlfriend and the ship (is that the term?) was full of Brits. It seems to me, the normal Brits stay in England or go to France, whereas only old working class couples, fat blokes with bad tattoos and ginger kids go anywhere else. The food was also British, by the way. The girl got sick and I had to eat whenever we hit land. To put it bluntly, you people can't cook worth a shit.

/JP