A veritable who's who

Aftonbladet is today announcing the return of blogger Karolina Lassbo.

I think I speak for most, if not all, of us when I say: Who?

I've just looked at her blog and from what I can tell, her only interesting feature is that she, despite being only 28, looks like she's 48.

Considering that both Rosing and Gynning are getting their own shows, aren't you getting the feeling the media is trying to generate not interest but rather downright markets?

It seems we, as a modern society, have moved on from post modernism to just post quality.

/JP

Growing pains

Ah, it seems TCO has its followers. Surprisingly though, perhaps not who you would expect.

After yesterdays pieces about Carolina "I wish I had a brain" Gynning and "Will do anything, and I do mean anything, to be in the public eye" Jordan, Gynning is today stating on her blog that she "loves" Jordan.

Gynning writes that "Jordan is awesome, really fucking awesome. When I grow up, I want to be just like her". An excellent example for the young girls of today, no doubt.

Well, dear. I'm sure you're well on your way. For starters, you both seem to share a single brain cell and have histories of affairs with fugly men. All you need to do now is put even bigger implants in, fuck anything that moves, record some sextapes and have them "stolen" and then as a final coup de grace give up everything and anything even remotely connected to class and elegance.

I'm sure that if you really put your mind to it, you'll be able to pull it off. Gotta get dirty if you're digging for gold, right? Gynning is probably thinking that the cheaper you are, the bigger the market.

Anyone else thinks there should be a tax on stupidity?

/JP

She's not foaling anyone

According to Sarah Jessica Parker, her character on "Sex & the city", the story about four sluts in New York, will not be having a baby in the upcoming sequel.

TCO has, however, managed to procure a photo of what the baby would have looked like:



/JP

You're done

British glamour queen Jordan (and I use the term glamour quite wrongly seeing as she's probably one of the least glamorous people I can think of) is once again telling the world, whether we like it or not, about her sexlife with husband Peter Andre.

Jordan has truly become the very definition of "attention whore", because not only is she constantly seeking attention..

Anyway, apparently the husband wants her to wear big underwear, granny style. I'm guessing it's because her vagina is the size of Grand Canyon and, let's face it, a piece of string won't cover up that gorge.

She goes on to say that the panties come off quite quickly anyway, which can't come as a surprise to, well, anyone. Jordan doesn't really give you the impression of being a three date kind of woman.

"Alright, here's your bus ticket and there's your change back.. Ah, for fuck's sake. Put those back on. There are children around. They'll get lost in there. Four disappeared only last week."

The couple recently came back from a holiday, but there won't be any paparazzi pictures of Jordan in a bikini. The reason? "Because I sunbathe nude". That's showing 'em.

/JP

The apocalypse is near

Yes, it is official. Earth is going to hell in a handbasket. Humanity as we know it has stepped beyond the fail safe point.

Carolina Gynning is once again getting her own show, this time on TV4. As usual, the entertainment industry is much too quick to forget recent history. Her old show "Inside the head of Carolina Gynning" (TCO comment found here) on TV5 was a complete train wreck, resulting in her being kicked off the air faster than you can say "bimbo", much to the pleasure and relief of the civilized world.

Sadly though, as stated above, she has been given yet another fucking show. Gynning wrote about it in her blog, saying "Good Lord, I've just had a meeting with TV4 and you'll die when you get to hear what they offered me". A true statement, seeing how a lot of people will probably feel like shooting their faces off once they hear the news.

God help us all.

/JP

I'm sorry, Mrs Jackson

According to an article today, Michael Jackson has converted to Islam, changing his name to Mikaeel in the process.

I'm thinking the main selling point was the 17 virgins that supposedly await the male muslims once they enter the kingdom of heaven or whatever they call it. "17 unspoiled children? Sounds like paradise to me."

Is it just me, or is he these days just a pale version of his old self?

/JP

Blown away

Ryan Air's president Michael O'Leary has come up with the following slogan for Ryan Air's first class flights:

"Beds and blowjobs".

Yes, you read that correctly.

According to Ryan Air, a blowjob is a symbol for luxury. I'm guessing they took that from the "Whore's guide to marketing". Personally, whenever I feel like treating myself to a bit of luxury, sucking a cock isn't the first thing that comes to mind. Go figure.

O'Leary says that he "can't think of any better way of spending a five hour flight". Five hours? Either the girl is crap at giving blowjobs or you've got some sort of issue down there, mate.

For the flight stewardesses, I'm guessing the new slogan is "Beds and breakfast".

Ryan Air has stated that actual fellatio won't be performed, but that the slogan stands for a level of service that's beyond what Ryan Air previously has provided. Sounds like a step up from the usual butt-fucking Ryan Air gives its customers, I suppose.

Either way, the flights will still suck.

/JP

X rated

In a recent episode of 8 out of 10 cats, one of the guests was a judge from British TV show X-Factor.

Looking at the proverbial car crashes that are the careers of the show's previous winners, it must be one of the most aptly named shows in television.

You were once a factor, but no more. You are officially an ex factor.

/JP

IPRED

Time for a non comical piece once more. If you're not interested, normal service will be resumed shortly.

The Swedish government is currently discussing a law that would, basically, allow private companies to gain access to IP-adresses. The thought being that this would prevent illegal downloading. Now, I am all for intellectual property rights, but I must say I feel this isn't the best way to protect them.

First and foremost, it is very easy for someone with a bit of savoir faire to mask IP-adresses. The consequences thereof are that, to a large extent, chances are the new law will do nothing but essentially bring down Betty Teenager who downloads a few tunes a month for her cellphone rather than those who actually illegaly download on a broad scale.

Secondly, how does the government intend to deal with burden of proof? How are you to prove that the owner of the IP-adress, or the owner of the computer itself for that matter, is actually the one doing the illegal downloading? A strict responsibility for your IP-adress? That could quite well mean opening a veritable Pandora's Box of internet piracy.

Finally, examples from other countries show that, in essence, the law has done little more than legalize blackmailing. Is that really the right way to go? I seriously doubt it.

No, I think all parties, be it consumers or the music industry itself, need to think harder. This, I fear, will not be a viable solution.

/JP

Can you get me a quote on that, please

I just recently came across a site devoted to Linda Rosing. TCO would rather stick its eyes with a blunt spoon than go that far, but here are a few gems from the page.

First off, she had a brief political "career", although I'm sure it might have had to do with her not quite understanding that a political party didn't involve free drinks. Anyway, her party was devoted to removing the fake beauty ideals that women these days follow. She said she wanted to remove the shallow, superficial and fake. Nothing funny in that, but taking into account that the woman looks like this..



..it's a lot funnier.

She has also stated that her breasts are real. "Real silicone. My friends use implants. So yeah, they are real."

Another great quote of hers is: "I like thinking. I think it's fun."

I would honestly not be surprised if Ralph Wiggum was based on her.

Some might say she's not the sharpest tool in the box, but I'm starting to think she's not even as sharp as the box itself.

/JP

And the story continues

In order to give Amy Winehouse a run for her money, Linda Rosing is once again making her way into the world of TCO.

Today, she's talking about how jelaous she is of Carolina Gynning.

Apparently, the reason being that "in every picture, she's as beautiful as dung". I can see how that's a step up for Rosing, who just looks like plain old shit.

She goes on to tell the world that she actually had to write in to Slitz Magazine (think Playboy without the false sense of glamour and occasional well written article) and talk them into letting her pose nude. That must surely be a new low for women everywhere.

Her friends apparently use her because she's famous (and she obviously uses the term famous quite wrongly), but look on the bright side, Linda, after that quote I'm sure there won't be any of them left.

Finally, she reveals that the best job she's ever had was as a cleaning lady. The pay was good (better than nothing seeing how it was the only job she could get), she got to work with her body (I'm guessing working on all fours wasn't new to her) and be independent (could you clean this crap up, please?).

/JP

Clink think

Convicted rapist and murderer Anders Eklund is soon to arrive at prison. Apparently, the other inmates have been told to "stay away from him or get out".

For someone being locked up in jail, surely that has to be an incentive more than a threat?

/JP

Amy Winegum

After what TCO conidered a borderline hostile takeover, Amy Winehouse has been notably absent from recent blogs. However, she's fresh out of rehab and back into TCO.

Apparently, she's now doing a lot better, now seemingly addicted to sugar and sweets rather than crack and heroine.

However, I'm not really so sure there's been much of a difference. For starters, she's now addicted to Coke. From what I can tell, the only difference is a capital C.

Her second favorite is wine gums - if only through name obviously an alcoholic's candy of choice.

So she's supposedly gone - and I wouldn't bet my house on her not getting back to rehab any second soon - from coke to Coke and wine to wine gums. Not exactly a quantum leap there.

Furthermore, how fucked up do you have to be to have gone to a candy, soda and sweet addiction and it's "for the better"?

Either way, I'm not sure Paul Gascoine agrees it's such a great thing.

/JP