Dolly Parton has apparently named her breasts Shock and Awe, claiming they have been a massive asset to her career. No doubt fitting names considering if she would take her top off, the initial reaction would probably be shock followed by awe (unless you're standing too close, in which case chances are good you'll be awestruck).
The 62-year old Parton said: "They have served me well, I don't know if I'm supporting them or they're supporting me".
Her bra replied: "Neither".
In related news, Keira Knightley named her breasts Barely Impact and Indifference.
/JP
Monday, 11 February 2008
Me, a fattist?
A lady came up to me and complained about that last blog, quite a big boned girl.
She said: "I think you're fattist".
I said: "No.. It was a bloody joke".
Yes, that's a Jimmy Carr reference.
It's probably not right to make fun of overweight people - an elephant never forgets - but let's face it, they do make pretty easy targets. Anyone could get one in.
Heh, that almost sounded like a Paris Hilton joke. It wasn't. She's not fat, just very, very, very thick.
She does sleep with anyone though.
/JP
She said: "I think you're fattist".
I said: "No.. It was a bloody joke".
Yes, that's a Jimmy Carr reference.
It's probably not right to make fun of overweight people - an elephant never forgets - but let's face it, they do make pretty easy targets. Anyone could get one in.
Heh, that almost sounded like a Paris Hilton joke. It wasn't. She's not fat, just very, very, very thick.
She does sleep with anyone though.
/JP
Sunday, 10 February 2008
Throwing his weight around
A while back, there were various reports about a huge man, well over 400 pounds, from Venezuela who had come to Sweden looking for amnesty. For various reasons, the government decided to send him back.
The man responded by threatening to go on a hunger strike.
Well isn't that about fucking time?
If you are so overweight the scales go "to be continued" when you step on them, I'm thinking a hunger strike isn't really going to threaten anyone. Except, perhaps, McDonald's.
If he really wanted to put pressure on the Swedish government, he should have just leaned.
/JP
The man responded by threatening to go on a hunger strike.
Well isn't that about fucking time?
If you are so overweight the scales go "to be continued" when you step on them, I'm thinking a hunger strike isn't really going to threaten anyone. Except, perhaps, McDonald's.
If he really wanted to put pressure on the Swedish government, he should have just leaned.
/JP
Saturday, 9 February 2008
Prison inmates do The Thriller
Was sent this earlier today. Supposedly one of the most watched Youtube clips of the past year.
Prison inmates do thriller dance.
My girlfriend asked me which one was Michael Jackson.
That's easy. The child molester.
/JP
Prison inmates do thriller dance.
My girlfriend asked me which one was Michael Jackson.
That's easy. The child molester.
/JP
The enema within
I just noticed the results of the 2007 Darwin Awards are in. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept, the Darwin Awards go to people who have removed themselves from the global gene pool via "astounding misapplications of judgment".
The 2007 winner:
Michael, of Texas USA, was, according to his wife, addicted to enemas. He also had an alcohol problem. Bringing the best of his two worlds together, he often used alcohol in said manner. A one way ticket up the lavender passageway to instant inebriation. Alco-hole, as it were, or perhaps rimshot. I digress.
Anyway, one ill-fated evening, good old Michael decided to pour two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, down.. ..well.. ..up the hatch. A normal person will eventually pass out after drinking too much and thus, so to speak, end the intake. In Michael's case, the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead. On the bright side, he did a pretty good job of embalming himself. Toxicology reports measured his blood alcohol level as 0.47%.
The butt of the joke indeed.
/JP
The 2007 winner:
Michael, of Texas USA, was, according to his wife, addicted to enemas. He also had an alcohol problem. Bringing the best of his two worlds together, he often used alcohol in said manner. A one way ticket up the lavender passageway to instant inebriation. Alco-hole, as it were, or perhaps rimshot. I digress.
Anyway, one ill-fated evening, good old Michael decided to pour two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, down.. ..well.. ..up the hatch. A normal person will eventually pass out after drinking too much and thus, so to speak, end the intake. In Michael's case, the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead. On the bright side, he did a pretty good job of embalming himself. Toxicology reports measured his blood alcohol level as 0.47%.
The butt of the joke indeed.
/JP
Now that's good TV
Britney Spears was just put on suicide watch.
Let's face it, that's one suicide you would watch.
/JP
Let's face it, that's one suicide you would watch.
/JP
What on God's green earth?
In today's Dagens Nyheter, you can read about how the Renault Laguna has been voted "most beautiful car of 2007".
I can be witty, but that is some joke.
Renault Flipping Laguna?
Quite.
/JP
I can be witty, but that is some joke.
Renault Flipping Laguna?
Quite.
/JP
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