In what may well be the most retarded story in quite some time (yes, it comes from the good old USA, who'd have thunk it?), a couple of therapy dogs are getting married.
Apparently, some idiot (possibly TGH spokeswoman Ellen Fiss) thought it would be a good idea to have two dogs get married. Another idiot, The St Petersburg Times staff writer Kim Wilmath, thought it would make for a good story.
Tell me again, would you please, why gays shouldn't be allowed to get married? And while you're at it, tell me why dogs would?
Seems to me the inmates are running the asylum and whatever administrative moron came up with the idea should seek therapy him- or herself.
/JP
Wednesday 10 June 2009
Monday 8 June 2009
Back on track
Sorry for the lack of updates, but school has been so far upp my ass I've been coughing papers. Now, however, it's all over for the time being, so there should be more time to write nonsensical drivel for your limited amusement.
Anyway, let's start with the news. In Jamaica, lately there has been a number of broken penises reported. Apparently, a "violent sex act inspired dance" called "daggering" is the source of it all. I've never understood those sex dances myself, considering most [females] who perform them are prude, shy women who change their clothes in the bathroom to avoid beeing seen. The irony of it all, obviously, being that while they get off at acting like prostitutes, they are enraged when guys get any ideas what-so-ever. Either way, I don't want a dagger anywhere near my cock.
In other news, I've decided the guy who had sex with ladies' bicycles was probably just a velocipedophile.
Speaking of bikes, it's time to take out the motorycle. In a country where it's 6 degrees Celsius in the summer, you've got to make the most of the time the sun's actually out.
/JP
Anyway, let's start with the news. In Jamaica, lately there has been a number of broken penises reported. Apparently, a "violent sex act inspired dance" called "daggering" is the source of it all. I've never understood those sex dances myself, considering most [females] who perform them are prude, shy women who change their clothes in the bathroom to avoid beeing seen. The irony of it all, obviously, being that while they get off at acting like prostitutes, they are enraged when guys get any ideas what-so-ever. Either way, I don't want a dagger anywhere near my cock.
In other news, I've decided the guy who had sex with ladies' bicycles was probably just a velocipedophile.
Speaking of bikes, it's time to take out the motorycle. In a country where it's 6 degrees Celsius in the summer, you've got to make the most of the time the sun's actually out.
/JP
Tuesday 21 April 2009
Ad up
As I was on my way to the University earlier today, I noticed an ad for a tanning salon.
Apparently, they had two double rooms with two tanning booths each, seven single rooms with one tanning booth each and one standing tanning booth for what they claimed was a grand total of.. ..eleven.
Impressive.
/JP
Apparently, they had two double rooms with two tanning booths each, seven single rooms with one tanning booth each and one standing tanning booth for what they claimed was a grand total of.. ..eleven.
Impressive.
/JP
Tuesday 14 April 2009
Well, shit
In order to make the Brits feel less insulted, here's a good reason why Wales is worse:
A night out in Cardiff.
/JP
A night out in Cardiff.
/JP
Britain's got morons
The Telegraph has listed 20 ridiculous complaints made by British holidaymakers. Having read through them, I have to say I was expecting this from the Yanks, but the Brits? I know I have British readers, so help me out here, people. Are they all from Essex or what?
"The beach was too sandy."
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
I must admit though, I went on a Mediterranean cruise once with TCO's official girlfriend and the ship (is that the term?) was full of Brits. It seems to me, the normal Brits stay in England or go to France, whereas only old working class couples, fat blokes with bad tattoos and ginger kids go anywhere else. The food was also British, by the way. The girl got sick and I had to eat whenever we hit land. To put it bluntly, you people can't cook worth a shit.
/JP
"The beach was too sandy."
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
I must admit though, I went on a Mediterranean cruise once with TCO's official girlfriend and the ship (is that the term?) was full of Brits. It seems to me, the normal Brits stay in England or go to France, whereas only old working class couples, fat blokes with bad tattoos and ginger kids go anywhere else. The food was also British, by the way. The girl got sick and I had to eat whenever we hit land. To put it bluntly, you people can't cook worth a shit.
/JP
Saturday 4 April 2009
Holy shit
In yet another story linking priests to sex offenses, a Swedish priest has been sexually offending women on a Christian dating site. First of all, isn't a Christian dating site technically cheating considering they're all married to Jesus? If not married, at least they have a relationship with Him, don't they?
Anyway, the priest said: "I'm probably the least suitable person existing (to be a priest)".
Really? Less suitable than the Catholic child molestors? Less suitable than Joseph Fritzl? Fucking hell, mate. You need to be locked up.
/JP
Anyway, the priest said: "I'm probably the least suitable person existing (to be a priest)".
Really? Less suitable than the Catholic child molestors? Less suitable than Joseph Fritzl? Fucking hell, mate. You need to be locked up.
/JP
Tuesday 31 March 2009
Eyes wide slut
Recently, TCO has discovered a trend among, shall we say, women of lesser intellect; They open their eyes as wide as possible when speaking. I say speaking, but I suppose chirping is closer to the truth. If it is a result of them only being able to do one thing at a time, either blinking or speaking, I do not know. What I do know is that it makes them look quite.. ..psychotic.
Cases in point - although they both have managed to keep their mouths shut, for the first time in ages, while the photos were taken.
Magdalena Graaf:
Carolina Gynning:
Of course, then there's Linda Rosing who just looks like Dolph Lundgren with a wig and make-up.
/JP
Cases in point - although they both have managed to keep their mouths shut, for the first time in ages, while the photos were taken.
Magdalena Graaf:
Carolina Gynning:
Of course, then there's Linda Rosing who just looks like Dolph Lundgren with a wig and make-up.
/JP
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